Hey roommie...hows it going? I was just wondering...um...have you been like low on cash or something lately? Oh, theres no REAL reason I ask...Just wondering. I mean...mainly its because of the endless flow of guys that you have in your bedroom. Its gotten up to about 5 or 6 so far last night, and its just a little concerning thats all. Now I have one of 3 conclusions I can jump to:
1. The strange residue I find in my pot every once in a while, the one that is a little rainbowie...i think its meth residue. I've never actually seen meth cooked, and i don't know if it is cooked in a pot. For some reason I always in vision a cauldron, but, I guess MY pot could be a good cauldron substitute for your meth concoctions. I also don't have any idea what meth residue looks like...but rainbowie doesn't seem unreasonable. However...it seems like these shady characters are in your bedroom a little too long for a "pick up"...so I'm thinking its unlikely.
2. Um...If your low on money...I can see you choosing to sell other things...the men emit a smell when they leave that lead me to believe this conclusion is the most likely...but I'm really hoping I'm wrong because this is the saddest of the 3 options. Please get an STD test.
3. You're a secret agent. You only come home drunk at 2 AM every night to throw me off the scent. The men are actually informants...very shady, large, scary, informants. This would explain the tenancy to carry guns...In reality this means my apartment is the safest place for me to be. I have a government employee with me every day, and I'm assuming you know some sort of martial art as well...i feel safer already. This also means your position at the tanning salon is just a cover. Nice one...I'm sure no one else will ever guess your real identity.
I think I'm going to choose option 3. Mainly because A) i'm a little ashamed that I've been able to live with you for 4 months and only slightly suspected option two and B) If I think about the other two options it weirds me out a lot... I guess it doesn't really make a difference since I'm moving out tomorrow...but congratulations for being my weirdest room mate yet. You had quite the competitors, but first prize definitely goes to you. Your mysteriousness went beyond intriguing...into a place where I really don't want to look, and forces me to stay in my locked bedroom with my large dog (whose actually a giant pansy, but you don't need to know that).
Just a suggestion...when I'm broke I buy a lot of eggs and peanut butter. It saves money and gets the job done. Don't eat them together though...thats just weird.
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