How you know you're really low on cash

So...My account may have suddenly found itself over drawn today. I really don't know how it manages to do this every semester. I start out with all my financial aid money that is supposed to last 5 months...and it usually last close to that...but at some point I find myself inevitably without any moolah. I really don't mind being on a budget...and I feel like I'm not bad at it, but its just ridiculous expenses that clear me out...anyway...seeing how you aren't my accountant you probably don't need to know this. (haha as if I will EVER have enough money to need an accountant!)

So today I decided what any reasonable person would do when they find themselves low on funds:

SELL BLOOD PLASMA!!!!
(see its pretty and purple as if to assure you that this is going to be a fabulous idea!)


So I thought I'd put together a handy dandy guide to selling your plasma. Its pretty much the steps I followed and it worked out perfectly:

1. Find only donation center in Chicago within a reasonable distance

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Welcome to shadesville my friends! (It doesn't look that bad in the picture...but trust me...it is)

2. Try your hardest to make an appointment with the VERY eastern European woman who answers the phone. Its really ok if you can't understand Helga...English isn't her first language.

3. Drive (what feels like 195849 hours) to appointment. Fill out questionnaire. Read all the pamphlets they've given you on how this can kill you and take a quiz on it to prove you actually read the material.

4. Begin to realize all of the reasons this may be the dumbest thing you've ever done. (hepetitis, passing out, you're really hungry...you probably can't make it the whole hour without having to pee...etc.) But eventually realize you're being a giant pansy and a little needle prick isn't going to hurt anyone.

5. Suddenly notice how everyone around you is...(to put it nicely)...a freak.

6. Think to yourself "I don't want to be this person. I don't want to sell parts of my body...no matter how much I don't need them. Is this prostitution?" you ask, as you make the horrifying realization that you are...in fact prostituting yourself by allowing them to take your blood...and pump it back into your body.

7. Start explaining to the Russian woman that you are more than likely a horrible candidate. Your conversation will probably go like this:
Helga: "how many peersings an tattoo yo hhave?"
Me: "Oh, um kind of a lot..gosh..i guess 6 piercings and 2 tattoos?"
Helga: "Oh ok...less dan 10 ees goud"
Me: "Um...Also I went to Haiti...like really recently...theres AIDS there...and Malaria"
Helga: "ees dat Afreeka?"
Me: *sad exasperated sigh* "no..."
Helga: "did yoo be seek?"
Me: "...no...but I also...um just got a tattoo...like recently"
Helga: "ees it healthy?"
Me:"...ya...i guess"
Helga:"dats fine...but it looks like yoo veins are deep...we can steek you but eef eet not vork we only geev yoo $5."
Me: "so this probably won't work?"
Helga: "maybe...maybe not...but we try"
Me: "Um...I don't know if i...um want to...for $5...um...I don't...um..."
Helga: "are yoo scared? Don vorry...eet ees fine"

Thats Helga...except with out the cowboy outfit and with scrubs and a paper lab coat (ya...they spare no expense with their lab coats there!)

8. From here you will be ushered out into the waiting room with what you can only assume is a room full of drug addicts. And all of them are very creepy men. One may be looking at the tv screen (that is turned off) and yelling profanities....While here feel free to contemplate your life and how you may have gotten to this point. You should also probably decide to get help with budgeting.

9. Decide that this was a horrible idea and that you really don't want hepatitis. Now...you could go tell the people that you changed your mind. OR you could slowly put on your coat as if you are cold and then bolt from the room and don't stop running until you are in your car.

10. Now this last part isn't necessary, but if you want to replicate my experience you would need to get really flustered and turn the wrong way which makes you drive through the worst part of town that you promised yourself you would never drive through again...but again...thats totally unnecessary.

Now that you have a step by step guide, I can't wait to hear about your experiences with the life giving i mean drug...creating...process that is plasma donation!