zee french man from ze upstairs of ze hood

So, I'm officially in Chicago. I've been here for a couple weeks which is why I haven't blogged so much. Being an extreme extravert I need some sort of outlet to get all my funny out (or else I explode and its messy...the last time was in '97. Made mom real angry. She was cleaning notallison chunks off the walls for weeks. Teach her to ground me to my room!) Now that I have 3 roomates (thats right, 4 of us) in an ADORABLE 1 bedroom...I pretty much have a constant influx of people to spurt my rambelings too.

But, I think they have heard enough of ze frenchman (pronounced franchmah) since they know his special brand of crazy (the wonderful brand, like Kleenex brand tissues). So I thought I would chronicle our friendship here.

So I live kind of in between the hood and eastern Europe in Chicago. Its great, and most of our neighbors are adorable old eastern European couples and the other half are gangstas. Don't worry I still have my large dog...who wants to befriend all of the gangstas and has made a serious effort to lick them to death...Thanks dog. But anyway, most of my neighbors are pretty cool, and one of my first days here I met ze franchmah.

He is CLEARLY a chatter. I can't really see him without being sucked into a half hour conversation, which would be so great in the summer. But in the sub zero snowpocolypse of Chicago...its less pleasant, and I get tired of not being able to feel my extremities. But really, hes great. He offers to do things all the time and name drops as much as he can, but the best part is he TOTALLY makes good on his offers! When he offers to make us food (did i mention hes a chef? thats right! FRENCH. CHEF.) he comes down that evening with a multiple course meal for all of us. We invite him to a party, he INSISTS on paying for and cooking all of the food. and the wine. "Well I don't know if zix bottles of wine are enough...maybe I bring zeven". He offers to get me a ticket to France through his company...I leave April 8th. All in all this guy is CRAZY. crazy, awesome.

We had our house warming party last night and everyone finally got to meet him. I feel like everyone left askind "where the crap did you find this guy?"

So I thought I would just post some of my favorite franchmah quotes here so you can enjoy him almost as much as me (but no french food for you, bitch. Thats all mine!)

" I teach ze karate to ze kidz in ze hood. You know...We just want to teach zem ze rezpect. ze zelfcontrol. Zometimes we are not zo zuccessful. zometimes zey get into ze gangz and ze maryjawanna, but moztly we just zay thingz like "lizen to you mammi and you papi, rezpect others, only fight if you have to, don't zell ze maryjwanna" zoze kidz are zo beautiful. Zo smart. Zey are zo little wit zeir little pigtailz.

I am zee blackbelt. If you don't believe me I'll show you" (at this point he runs out of the apartment up to his apartment to get his karate stuff and comes back to show us all of his uniform...no really sir, we would have believed you). "Zee! I am ze blackbelt!"

Here is a picture of ze franchmah. Only ze franchmah is less asian and not named mr. miagi and i doubt he probably has people wax his car. But imagine that man only less squinty and thats totally him. I have asian friends...i can say squinty. Don't judge me.

The other day he came over to drop something off and he ended up staying...for several hours. Thats ok, his alien conspiracy theories are pretty entertaining, but my favorite quote of all was this:

"My mama is 88 and papa is 106. My mama had zixteen children. YA! 16! you know, in zoze dayz we do not have television. My papa have nozing to do but come home and mate with my mother"

What do you say to that? I don't even know...but I laughed pretty hard. That------------------------------------->
is a picture of what I imagine his family to look like...although they sound less mormon. Oh! also they lived in a castle...TAKE THAT DUGGERS! they didn't even have to build thier own home with 27 washers and a cannery in case of zombie apocolypse...be honest, we know thats why you did it!

My favorite delivery of things was a few days ago. I'm not really sure what makes him bring the things he does...but its always pretty entertaining. He brough us a dozen roses (we're all single and lonely on valentines day and he felt we needed flowers...aw how cute), orange juice, a bottle of wine, six packs of strawberry gum and a bag of size 10 men's socks.

"ze zocks, zey are for you. zey are franch...very good quality. i zought maybe you want zem. alzo...I brought ze ztrawberry gum...becauze itz what all ze kidz are chewing zeze dayz."

haha thanks, franchmah...you're so up on todays kids :)